The introduction of the Republican nominee for vice-president was hailed by the party as historic. A lady read the speech! But it wasn't historic; in fact, it was classic, go-to Republican, and demonstrates that the political theory of Karl Rove is driving the machine in 2008. The mainstream media seems not to have noticed they're running the same play they ran in the 2000 election. That was the year they took George Dubya Bush, polished his cowboy boots, told him to let fly his down-home country twang, patted him on the head and sent him out to win the hearts of the good folks of the USA. And he did! He was affable and rumpled and mispronounced the ten-dollar words that liberals like to use when they talk all intellectual-like. He was like us! Never mind the old, white, warmongering man behind the (Halliburton) curtain. That's just Grandpa. Ha-ha, look, your funny uncle just tripped on his way to the podium!
Eight years later, Uncle George's antics aren't as funny, and we want change! And the Republicans are going to give it to us, because they love you and me. They have found us the prettiest lady; the "hottest VP from the coolest state!" cry their buttons. And she is LIKE US! She's a mom! Her husband is a champion snowmobile racer, and they met in high school. As did her daughter, Bristol, and soon-to-be son-in-law (is it a requirement that NRA members have shot-gun weddings?). And the pretty lady walked onto the stage and made us laugh and cry. She reminded us of how goofy that Democratic fellow is, that elite liberal who tried to say that, perhaps, lower-class Americans have something to be bitter about. Some nerve he has! He is out of touch with you and me. He is fancy and educated; he worked for his community; he asks for the opinions of 300 people when he thinks about policy issues; he lived in some weird country when he was a kid; he's never run anything; he was in the state legislature and the US Senate, and did nothing but preen and marinate in his liberal elite smugness. And she is a hockey mom! Yaaaaay!
At the end of the pretty lady's speech, Grandpa strode onto stage to hug the pregnant teen and remind her we all make mistakes, and he loves her anyway, because his is the party of Acceptance and Tolerance and Love. And the pretty lady smiled bright, like Uncle George did eight years ago, because she saw what had happened; the delegates were on their feet, flags waving, tears streaming down other ladies' cheeks, men hollering, children smiling, and broadcast journalists powdering their faces, minimizing shine and getting ready for their moment in the sun. The pretty lady did exactly what she was meant to do: she wasn't meant to bring foreign policy experience to the table; no one was interested in her black book of Washington lobbyists; they didn't want to circulate articles she wrote as editor of some fancy pants law review. Sarah Palin was sent out to deliver the speech a candidate for Homecoming Queen might give: I'm just like you! I'm pretty, but completely normal! Look, I have kids, and one of them is going to have a kid. I'm smart enough to run Alaska, but I don't think I'm smarter than you are. And I'm a lady!
John McCain is not the new George Bush: Sarah Palin is. The change Republicans are offering is a role-reversal: the Grandpa character who makes you uneasy, but sure knows a lot about Washington, he will be president. And the one you can relate to, who makes you smile and goes running, and whose rascally kids make trouble, she will be vice-president. And here's the change: she has wears lipstick and has boobies!
So before we let the Republicans co-opt "change", just as they have co-opted "work", "liberty", "freedom", "strength", "tolerance", and "maverick", let's ask ourselves why they think they have to work so hard to convince us Democrats are the ones sitting in board rooms having a chuckle about how much better they are than us. Doth the pretty lady protest too much?
How is it possible for Republicans to be the party for regular folks when, after eight years running the executive branch (the only branch which counts when discussing experience, according to them), the gap between rich and poor is wider than it's been since the Great Depression? Are the American people really going to allow them to excommunicate Dubya, now that he's served his purpose, whitewash the whole thing, and present us with McCain-Palin, the "change" ticket?
Here's why you should vote for McCain-Palin: if you're better off than you were eight years ago. And if you're one of us regular folks, and you're less secure; have less health care; more debt; higher heating bills; can't afford college; can't afford to retire; can't pay your mortgage; and you worry about caring for your children, your parents, and maybe even yourself---then maybe you should say what the hockey moms I know say when someone tries to sell them a load of garbage: thanks, but we're not interested in your shit.
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